Looking for an honest Tracy's Dog vibrator review? You've come to the right place.
Allow us to state the obvious: orgasms are amazing. They’re empowering and good for your brain, and they deliver the kind of deep satisfaction that can be found only following a flood of feel-good hormones — with or without a partner. It’s no wonder the internet is perpetually in search of the best vibrator. And according to the most enthusiastic Amazon review you’ll ever read, one woman may have found it.
In April of 2019 an anonymous review of a friendly-looking bright purple vibrator was posted on Amazon. At under £50, the Tracy’s Dog Clitoral Sucking Vibrator was a bargain with some big claims: “revolutionary” suction technology, multiple vibration patterns to please the most sensitive nerve endings, a “slightly phallic tip.” Still, reviewer Express7976 wasn’t prepared. “Having read everyone’s reviews, I had high expectations, but with the price being under 50 dollars, I wasn’t exactly going to be shocked if it was mediocre,” she wrote. “A few friends of mine bought it recently, and told me of its power. I was warned to take the day off, hydrate, and above all do some stretches. I thought they were being such drama queens.”
Two days after she placed the order, the little purple vibrator arrived. “Opening the very discreet box, instructions say 2.5-hour charge time. Not too bad, I plug this li’l bad boy in. While the kids are at school waiting for it to charge, killing time reading some erotica my friend and fellow queenie recommended because I don’t have time to screw around waiting to get into ‘the mood,’” the reviewer wrote. “I have to get the kids in a few hours and I need to be ready to go when this thing is done charging. Tik tok b!tch, tik tok. Welcome to motherhood.”
Take your wellness into your own hands.
Anticipation building, she checked the little pink charging light every 10 minutes “like a crackhead waiting for his dealer” to see whether the best vibrator on Amazon was ready to live up to its reputation. “After only and hour and a half [of charging], solid pink light. Game on.”
Here’s what happened next:
“I played with the settings on my hand to test this fine machinery out. The vibration for the G-spot part is quite strong. I was impressed with that even before use,” the review continues. “Next was suction. So many levels; it was interesting to see the different patterns and strength. There are 10 levels for clitoral and 10 patterns for G-spot. I’ve never used a clit suction type stimulator, so I have nothing to compare it to, but looked forward to it nonetheless. Time to solo party.
“I found placement for the clit a bit low for my body shape; it took me a few min to get everything where it needed to be. That was a bit time consuming and slightly frustrating. But as with any new toy, it’s trial and error. I started the clit one on low, which I barely even felt. Unbeknownst to me it wasn’t lined up 100 percent. So, me being me, I decide to go from zero to 60 in 3.5. I hit the suction button setting to level 5 or 6 and hit the G-spot button as well. And made a minor adjustment on suction placement.
“At least I think that’s what happened, because I’m pretty sure I blacked out.
“My legs went straight out like those goats who faint when scared.
“I never came so fast and so hard in my life. I squirted, I have NEVER DONE THAT. (Luckily I put a towel down ’cause I hate wet spots).
Shift the focus.
“I frantically tried to turn it off, but ended up hitting the buttons like a maniac, sending to even stronger suction and now variant pulses from the G-spot vibrator. And came again. I’m pretty sure I levitated. It was an unending orgasm. This time my soul left me, and God himself said: ‘Child, it is not your time, go back to the li’l pink light.’ (Mind you, I’m agnostic.) I’m brought back into my earthly body after managing to pull it off me throwing it across my bed, it falls to the floor, still buzzing happily away.
“I shook for a good 5 minutes, I couldn’t get up off the bed if even wanted to. I stared at my ceiling dazed trying to remember who I am and what year is this.
“I get up to clean up and realize in my seizure-like orgasms, I hurt my hip and back. I’m still hobbling 4 hours later. I did not stretch enough.
“So in conclusion, this met and exceeded expectations. Hydrate, make sure you don’t have to do anything that involves decisions or brainpower for the rest of the day. And for the love of God, stretch like you are about to run the 500-meter dash.”
After the glowing review was posted, a Twitter user took a screenshot and the vibrator went viral, increasing in price and even temporarily selling out on Amazon, the Daily Mail reported.
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Before you dismiss this as utter internet hyperbole, this is not the first time the clitoral sucking vibrator has sent users into a frenzy. “This is a weapon. It cured my depression, I don’t go to therapy anymore,” one user wrote in January. “I was walking from side to side after I finished using this thing, you’ll feel like you just had your best dick appointment ever. Trust me. Best believe you will never see me frown ever again. My life has completely changed. Have a blessed day.”
“I’ve never really had an orgasm, came close but never fully released. So I decided to give this a try,” another satisfied customer said. “Y’all NEVER SQUIRTED IN MY LIFE BUT THIS RIGHT HERE!!! BUYER BEWARE!!! 😫😩😏😏 THANK ME LATER!!! It helped me identify what it is I’m looking for and my tell-tell [sic] signs and if he ain’t doing me like this toy does, replace him!!!!”
If you order the Tracy's Dog vibrator for yourself, just remember to stretch first.
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This story originally published on GLAMOUR US.
